Miracle
by Canadiandancer18
Summary: A routine call gone horribly wrong causes Severide to reevaluate his choices. Shayveride friendship.
1. Chapter 1

It was a busy early summer day at firehouse 51. Ambulance 61 had been on numerous calls throughout their shift, none of them too serious but all of them physically draining. At only half an hour until the end of shift, Shay and Dawson were hiding in the locker room, hoping that they'd be spared being sent out one last time.

Shay leaned back against her locker while Dawson related all of the details of her latest date with her blonde beau lieutenant.

"I have a surprise for him," Gabby whispered conspiratorially. "In two weeks we get that 4 day weekend off, so I booked us a cabin in Kenosha."

"Isn't it suppost to be the man's job to book the surprise vacations?" Shay narrowed her eyes at her friend. "Are you sure you're not a lesbian? Because if you like to wear the pants in the relationship I know a girl…"

Dawson wacked her on the arm with a smirk. "You know if I did swing that way I'd only have eyes for you. But for real, you can't mention anything to Casey. This has to be our little secret."

The sound of a locker door creaking open right behind her head startled Shay so much that she jumped. Turning around, she found herself staring into a pair of bright blue eyes sparkling with a mischievous glint. She hadn't heard Kelly sneak up behind her. "I like secrets. Hey Casey! The girls have something that they want to share with us."

Gabby shot Shay a warning look as Matt rounded the corner to see what was going on. "Shay and I were just talking about how weird we thought it was for Chout and Rafferty to be paired up on an ambulance. Right?" Dawson gave her boyfriend her best innocent smile. Casey might have bought it if it weren't for the plainly guilty face looking at him from the other direction.

Shay just stood wide-eyed, like a deer in the headlights, trying to keep her lips sealed. Both of the guys grinned.

"Oh my god, you really are the worst secret keeper on the planet!" Dawson exclaimed giving her partner an indignant look. Shay immediately started to sputter an apology to her friend but the words just wouldn't come out.

Just then Otis happened to walk into the room. "Did I just hear someone reference Harry Potter?" he asked hopefully.

Shay jumped on the change of subject. "No Otis, Harry Potter is still in his hobbit hole on planet Vulcan. Did I get that right?" Shay gave him a devilish grin and batted her eyelashes.

Everyone burst into laughter at the look of abject horror on Otis' face, however, Severide was quick to catch on. "Quit distracting Shay, spill."

They were interrupted by the firehouse bells going off.

"Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61, Battalion 25, apartment fire, Freemont and Birch building 4." The announcement was made.

Everyone groaned at having to go out so close to shift change, but Shay couldn't help but smirk. She knew she had dodged a bullet on this one. "Well, duty calls gentlemen." She hooked arms with Dawson and began to drag the other paramedic out of the locker room.

"Everyone on your toes, that address is in Humble Park," Casey called out from behind them.

"I thought things had calmed down with the Insane Kings now that Flaco and Doc are gone?" Mills asked, joining the group from the kitchen.

It was true. Humble Park had miraculously not been a standard part of the daily police bulletin for several months. Since Doc had been taken down, the Kings were left without any real leadership and had therefore been laying low, which most of the people of Chicago were more than happy about.

"It could just be a routine call, but it never hurts to be prepared," Casey allowed as he put on his heavy fire resistant jacket and his helmet. He looked around to do a quick mental count to make sure that everyone was there and ready, then climbed into his spot in the truck. "Let's get this over with."

The two trucks and the ambulance roared down the road with their sirens blaring. When they arrived, they exited the vehicles to assess what they were dealing with.

Flames licked at the windows on one of the higher floors and smoke billowed out towards the sky. Most of the residents of the building appeared to be milling about on the sidewalk, staring at the wreckage above and probably praying that the fire wouldn't spread to their own suites.

Chief Boden arrived in the Battalion SUV and immediately began issuing orders. "Casey, take your men up to vent the roof and keep that fire contained. Severide, go with squad and make sure that everyone got out. Dawson and Shay stay out here to deal with any possible injuries."

Everyone nodded their assent and immediately began to perform their assigned duties. Shay and Dawson walked back to the ambo and began setting up supplies to create a small triage station in case they had to deal with multiple casualties at once.

"Sorry about earlier. You know I can't keep a secret," Shay apologized as she pulled on a pair of blue nitrile gloves.

Dawson rolled her eyes as she neatly set up some sterile gauze. "I should have known better.

The chief looked up at the two after having a conversation over the radio and called out, "Squad reports a few people still inside with only minor injuries."

"Copy," Dawson called back.

Over at the door, Clarke was already on his way out, carting a couple of kids with ash-smudged faces towards them. Dawson accepted the little girl he offered her and placed her onto the stretcher to check her over while Shay started looking at her older brother.

"The fire's still pretty tame in there. Somebody left their stove on but it hasn't spread much. We should be able to get out of here quickly." He told them, grabbing a quick drink.

Shay smiled and gave a small thank you to his retreating back as he headed back into the fire. The two kids that had been brought out were fine, just tired and a little cranky. The paramedics wrapped them in blankets and handed them off to an aunt who had already left the building.

As they were cleaning up the area and getting ready for their next patient, a woman came streaking out of the adjacent building and running towards the chief.

"Sir you gotta help," She panted, "Our super told us we were suppost to leave incase the fire spread to our buildin' and when I was on my way out I saw this man and there was so much blood. I think he was dyin'."

Overhearing, Dawson and Shay moved towards them and began to question the woman. "Where was he?"

"I dunno. In the back of the buildin'? I just blew by so fast I wasn't really payin' much attention, " she said apologetically.

"Could you see what was causing the bleeding?" Dawson continued.

"Not sure. Alls I know is there was a great big pool of blood under him and he didn't look too good. I'm really sorry, I gotta go find my kids," She bit her lip and when they didn't immediately ask her another question, ran off into the crowd.

The paramedics looked askance at the chief and then waited. He looked hesitant, thumbing the mic on his radio, before nodding his approval. "Go, but be careful. Anything even the slightest bit suspicious happens and you radio in and leave immediately. Got it?"

The two paramedics nodded and headed back to the ambulance to grab everything they would need. Shay shouldered the jump bag while Dawson hoisted the chair and the pair began to trudge up the walk towards the other building. One of the residents was still on his way out and held the door open for them. They asked if he knew where the injured man was but unfortunately he had no idea what they were talking about.

Inside, they were met with long hallways heading in multiple directions. Each was lined with doors on both sides so close together that each suite had to be quite small. Dawson blew out a frustrated sigh, ruffling the loose hair framing her face. "Couldn't she have been even the slightest bit more specific? In the hallway, in a room, on the right, near the elevator… really, just adding a tiny bit of detail isn't that difficult."

Shay smirked and shifted the bag on her shoulder. "But that would be too easy." She started toward the closest hallway on the left. "We might as well start here."

Dawson rapped heavily on the first door they came to, "Paramedics, if there's anyone inside needing assistance call out!" They waited in silence for a minute, then knocked once more before moving on.

On about the eighth door, Shay was about to comment about how stupid this was and how there must be a more efficient way of going about their search when she heard a loud crack followed by a thud on the floor beside her. When she turned, she saw Dawson crumpled in a heap with her eyes closed. She was about to cry out when she felt a strong arm wrap around her body. A rough hand clasped tightly over her mouth. It smelled like weed and cigarettes and she almost gagged. Finally, she clued in to the feel of a cold metal cylinder grinding against the side of her skull.

"Your friend is fine. She'll stay that way if you come quietly, ya hear?" a young raspy voice said from behind her. Shay nodded slowly, not wanting to startle the kid into accidentally firing.

She was dragged backwards down the hallway, then down a perpendicular one that lead deeper into the building. When they stopped, she was in some sort of communal room with couches and a fireplace. Near the far wall lay a man. Shay counted three gun shot wounds in his chest and his eyes were open and unblinking. Dead.

The arm restraining her disappeared but the gun did not. The kid told her to turn around so she did, again as slowly as possible. The gun barrel stayed pressed into her forehead but she was still able to look her captor over.

He couldn't have been much older than 15, his face pitted with acne scars. He was tall and lanky, but somehow still managed to pull off an intimidating image in his oversized clothes and ball cap. It was probably the gun.

She heard a metallic click.

Yes, it was definitely the gun.

"What do you want?" Shay asked quietly, using her best calming voice. She held her hands out to her sides with her palms open, showing that she wasn't threatening.

"You're my ticket out of here," he replied, nodding towards the guy in the corner. "Ain't no way the police are going to shoot at me if I got a pretty blonde to use as a human shield."

"The police aren't here. We're with the CFD," Shay tried to reason. Her radio crackled as the chief's voice came through asking the girls for an update. He seemed irritated, like he had already asked several times. She hadn't even noticed.

The kid just shook his head, his eyes travelling down to her radio. She felt his hand begin to shake through the gun rattling against her head. "You're with the fucking cops," he spat, shoving her hard with his free hand. The jump bag fell from her shoulder and clattered to the floor. She continued with the momentum, backing toward the wall with her hands still raised.

"I'm not, okay. I'm a paramedic, I'm here to help," She tried to reason but she knew it was too late. The kid's eyes had changed, they now held a murderous glint. Shay bit her lip, summoning her courage, she knew she was only going to have one shot at getting out of this.

As the kid re-aimed at her, she launched herself at him. Her main goal was to get the gun away so she did everything she could, clawing at his wrist and prying his fingers back, trying to force him to let go.

The boy was surprisingly strong for his build and easily forced her arms down to her sides. Still she struggled, putting every last ounce of energy and strength that she possessed into it. He tripped and the two of them crashed to the ground, momentarily stunning them both. Leslie tried to take advantage and roll out from under him, but he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. She brought up her knee to hit him in the groin but he brought his other arm across to block her so that she only managed a graze.

That was when the gun went off.

* * *

Severide gently lowered the woman he had in a fireman carry down to the grass near the ambulance.

He walked to the truck to grab some water before he had to head back to the apartment complex to look for more survivors. On his way he stopped by Chief Bowden to ask where the paramedics had gone. He found it strange that they weren't anywhere in sight.

"Hey chief-" Just as he approached, two shots rang out from the building beside the fire.

Bowden immediately grabbed his radio and began shouting, "Police assistance required at apartment complex 5 at Freemont and Birch. Shots fired, I repeat shots fired. We have two paramedics in there."

"Shay and Dawson are in there?" Severide asked frantically. He began to strip off his protective gear, first discarding his helmet and then his jacket, getting ready to run into the building.

Chief Bowden grabbed his arm and gave him a disapproving look. "Severide you know I can't let you go in there. Wait for the police. I'm sure Shay and Dawson are fine."

Kelly roughly pulled his arm away. "I can't take that chance."

Without a second glance he sprinted to the apartment, trying the door, and then settling for breaking the glass when it wouldn't budge. Inside it was eerily quiet. He guessed the building had been evacuated in case the fire spread. He had no idea where to even begin looking for the two paramedics.

He turned down the first hallway he came to and began walking down swiftly, Calling the girls' names and checking each doorway. So far there was no answer.

His second hallway yielded better results. At the end he found Dawson slumped in a doorframe. He didn't see any obvious life threatening injuries, just a small cut slowly seeping blood on her forehead. Kneeling down he felt for a pulse, and gave a huge sigh of relief when he found the strong, steady thrumming under his fingertips.

Pulling his radio to his mouth from its spot on his collar Severide quickly gave the chief an update. "I found Dawson. She's unconscious but as far as I can tell she's okay. I think someone might have hit her over the head with something. Still looking for Shay."

"Copy that Lieutenant. I'm going to request once again that you leave the building. Police are en route. Let them clear the place before you get shot." Bowden sounded angry but Kelly ignored him.

"No way in hell chief." He let his radio fall back to his chest. Standing up, he turned in a slow circle, trying to find some clue as to where his best friend might be. Faintly he heard footsteps coming from somewhere at the end of a long hallway leading towards the back of the building. Sparring one last look at Dawson to reassure himself that she would live, he hurried down the hall, slowing down to be more cautious towards the end.

When he neared the room where the footsteps were coming from, he noticed the shadow of a man pacing back and forth across the room, the outline of what looked suspiciously like a gun in one hand.

When he got close enough to the door Kelly stopped, raising his hands in the air to make it obvious he wasn't armed. Standing slightly behind one side of the doorframe to give his body as much protection as possible, he yelled, "Put the gun down buddy."

The figure turned sharply, aiming the gun wildly instead of dropping it. Kelly relaxed a little when he got a better look at the guy. He was only a kid, probably got wrapped up in some sort of gang like Cruz's brother. The guy's hand shook as he pointed the gun at Kelly's chest. This kid wasn't looking to kill anyone. He just got tied up in a bad situation.

Slowly, Kelly began inching his way farther into the room. He didn't want to agitate the guy any more, but he had to get a better vantage point of what was going on in the room.

The first thing Kelly saw was a body lying next to one of the walls, a pistol lying discarded on the ground beside the man. Judging by the size of the red pool surrounding him, there was no chance of saving his life. Maybe he had misjudged the kid's intentions.

Near the opposite wall lay a much more familiar form. Luckily there was no rapidly spreading pool surrounding her, however her face was deathly pale, and her eyes half lidded as if they took too much effort to fully open.

Kelly began to edge his way over to her, trying to keep eye contact with the kid as he moved.

"Stay where you are!" the boy yelled, his hand shaking so hard the gun was actually rattling.

Severide ached to run to Shay's side and assess her condition, but years of squad training kicked in. First he needed to diffuse the situation. "Look bud, I just want to check on my friend. I know that you don't want to hurt anyone else. Just lower the gun slowly okay?"

The other man actually laughed. "You think I didn't want to hurt anyone? That guy over there, I shot him. I was going to use your friend over there as leverage to get outta here, but then the stupid bitch tackled me."

Severide froze and cursed in his mind. It was just like Shay to be way too brave for her own good.

"Looks like she's going to be pretty useless as a hostage now. But it's my lucky day ain't it? Fresh meat just walked right through the door for me. You might be a little bit harder to subdue though."

Kelly managed to lunge far enough to hide most of his body behind a nearby couch just as the gun went off. He felt a hot white-hot streak sear past his outer arm and had to clench his teeth to bite back a hiss of pain. From his hiding spot he heard the kid curse as he checked the damage. It was just a graze, cutting a neat line across his deltoid. There was hardly even any blood. It was almost more of a burn than anything. "Severide report!" He heard the chief yell into the radio. He ignored it.

"Maybe I ain't such a great shot at a moving target. But you know what? Your friend ain't moving too fast now is she? I suggest you get your ass out here and start cooperating or else I'll have to finish her off."

"Please don't do that. Look kid, I'm a fireman not a cop. Maybe there's a way that I can still help you out of this. Just put the damn gun down." Unfortunately, from Severide's current hiding spot, he couldn't see his attacker, which made it really hard to judge his next actions.

"No way. I'm giving you three seconds to get out from behind that couch man, or the bitch gets it."

"One-"

Severide bit his lip, weighing his options.

"Two-"

The gun cocked.

Before the kid could get to three, Kelly dove out from the other side of the couch and grabbed wildly for the pistol he had seen earlier. Without even aiming, he fired in the direction that the kid had been standing in before. He heard the hard thud of a body hitting the ground.

He could hear the chief yelling into the radio once again, begging him for a report, but all he could do was just lie there and stare at the space where a young man had just stood. A young man that he had just shot and likely killed. After a moment he was able to collect himself enough to drop the gun back to its spot on the floor.

Standing up, he quickly ran over to disarm the kid just in case, then went to Leslie's side.

He now noticed that she had a hand pressed to her right hip. Dark red seeped through her fingers, but she was doing her best to keep pressure on the wound.

He knelt beside her and stroked her face tenderly, trying to get her to look at him. Her skin felt clammy under his touch and for the first time that night, he felt a real jolt of fear race down his spine. "Shay?" He asked cautiously, hoping that she could hear him.

"Kel-?" Her voice was barely above a whisper. Shay's eyes were glazed and remained unfocused, as if she couldn't see him sitting there in front of her.

"Yeah, it's me sweetheart. Do me a favor and stay with me. I'm just going to check out how badly you're hurt, okay?" Leslie moved her head slightly in what could barely pass as a nod. Kelly bit his lip, truly worried that he might be too late.

"Is it just your hip Leslie?" Again with the tiny head nod.

Hesitantly, he reached for her hand, not really sure that he wanted to see what was hidden underneath. As her hand fell away Kelly sucked in a deep breath. Shay had a gun shot wound just inside her hip bone. A steady stream of blood leaked out of it, but it was the lack of a pool of blood beneath her that worried him. She had to be bleeding internally.

Hurriedly he grabbed the jump bag that had fallen to the ground beside her. He tore into any kind of gauze he found and as soon as he started to apply more pressure to the wound, he used his other hand to grab his radio.

"Chief I need a medic in here now! Send in Mills. We're in a room at the back of the first floor. Shay's in really bad shape." Kelly's voice cracked at the end.

The radio crackled, "Copy that, Severide. What's the status on the shooter?"

"Subdued." Severide let the radio fall back to his chest and shook his head trying to clear it. He listened to Bowden continue to give orders over the radio while simultaneously keeping a close watch on Shay, hoping that she wouldn't lose consciousness.

Finally the chief focused his chatter back on what was going on in the second apartment complex. "Severide, sit rep."

Kelly, hit the button on his radio once again. "We're going to need 3 additional ambos, at least one is for a DOA. All victims have gunshot wounds except for Dawson. Shay is still conscious but she's fading fast."

"Mills is on his way," Bowden replied.

As his voice faded out, Shay's eyes shut all the way and Severide felt the rest of her body start to go limp.

"No! No, no, no Shay don't you dare give up on me." Shay's body gave a small jolt and her eyes fluttered back to being partially open.

Kelly maneuvered her awkwardly so that he could cradle her upper body into his chest, while still applying pressure to her hip. "I love you Shay, you've got to stay with me." He stroked her hair tenderly while holding her cool cheek to his.

"So… tired…" Shay murmured.

"I know. But you can't give in to it. Don't make them put your badge up on that wall. I can't handle having to visit both you and Andy there." Severide was openly crying now. He was clutching her so tightly as if, if he could just hold onto her, she could hold onto life.

"I… l-lo…" as he watched, her eyes rolled back in her head and her jaw fell slack. Kelly tried desperately to shake her back awake, but it was no use.

"Mills!" he screamed into his radio, wishing the impromptu medic would hurry his ass up.


	2. Chapter 2

"Chief!" Peter Mills jogged to where Bowden stood in front of the adjacent apartment building, a look of worry clearly etched onto his face.

The chief had ordered him to come out of the building immediately, stating only that his skills as a medic were needed. Mills had expected to come outside to find Dawson and Shay overwhelmed with casualties, but as he looked around he couldn't see them.

The chief sighed with relief as he caught sight of their youngest fireman. "Thank god. There was an altercation in there," the chief nodded towards the building they were standing in front of, "shots fired, and multiple casualties reported. Dawson, Shay and Severide are inside. Dawson is reported to have been knocked unconscious but to otherwise be in good health. I need you to do a quick assessment to make sure that we aren't looking at anything more serious. Shay was shot and it sounds like she's in pretty bad shape. Severide says that they're in the back of building. You do what you can to make sure that our girl comes home. Back up is on the way."

Peter felt like he had been punched in the gut. This wasn't at all what he had anticipated when he left the fire. His head was spinning with all of the information the chief had just thrown at him, but still he felt his feet moving automatically towards the front door.

"Mills!" The chief yelled behind him. "Be careful in there. Severide reported the shooter is subdued but I don't want you taking any chances. We've lost enough already today."

Peter bit his lip. This couldn't be happening. He climbed through the broken door, dodging shards of jagged glass. Because he didn't have the exact locations of anyone he was going to have to start searching the old fashioned way. He tried his best to be slow and methodical while hurrying at the same time. When he finally found Dawson it seemed like hours had passed when really it had likely only been a few minutes.

He checked her vitals and quickly confirmed that they were within normal ranges. When he checked her pupils he noted that they were dilated but otherwise normal. He tried to wake her but only received a moan.

"Hey Chief, Dawson's condition is as reported. There's a head injury but I don't think we're looking at serious damage. Should I wait for back up?" Mills spoke quietly into his radio. There was no one in the hallway to hear him, but the silence was eerie and felt like it shouldn't be disturbed.

The radio crackled with static for a moment before the chief's reply came through. "No Mills, if she's stable I need you to move on. I don't like the way Kelly sounded on the radio. We might not like what we find."

"Copy," Mills replied. "Tell the relief unit that they'll find Dawson in the doorway of suite-" he glanced up at the small number adorning the door, "139. I'll update you again when I find Shay." He stayed where he was for a moment, torn. All of the training hardwired into him told him never to leave the side of a person in distress. It made it even more difficult that this particular person was a close friend and someone whom he once loved.

An anguished cry from the rear of the building quickly helped to speed him along. He grabbed the transport chair that had been discarded on the ground when Gabby fell and started toward the back of the building at a quick jog.

He found Severide curled around a slight form in the corner of a dilapidated sitting room. His face was red, his cheeks streaked with wetness. Blocking out the rest of the room, Mills zoned in on his patient. "Lieutenant?" He asked, kneeling beside the older man.

Kelly looked up, but his eyes were blank and unseeing.

Mills got to work. Shay's skin was so pale it had gone translucent, the dark veins a stark contrast to the waxy white around them. He placed the back of his hand to her forehead, then checked her pupils. "She's in shock," he stated. "How long has she been unconscious?"

"I don't know. A few minutes?" Kelly murmured.

Mills bit his lip but kept working. Gently, he lifted Severide's hand that was still pressed firmly to Shay's wound. He sucked in a breath, taking in the damage underneath. Turning away, he whispered into his radio, "Chief, what's the ETA on that Ambo?"

There was a brief moment of static. "Still 10 minutes out."

Mills cursed, looking toward the sky. Once he collected himself he clicked his radio once again. "We don't have that kind of time." His voice was even quieter now, trying his best to not let Kelly overhear.

"We'll figure something out. Just get her out of there," Bowden replied, his voice thick with worry.

Mills nodded, gave himself a quick calming ten second count, then got back to work. "Lieutenant I need your help."

Severide finally seemed to snap out of his daze. "What can I do?" he asked, as he gently slid out from underneath his friend.

Mills gave him a quick glance before focusing back on the task at hand. The lieutenant still looked shaken, but he had a new look of determination on his face. "Get the chair set up while I pack the wound. We'll transfer her when I'm done."

Severide nodded and got to work. When the two men lifted Shay onto the awaiting chair she gave a pained moan but didn't wake.

Mills raced down the halls of the apartment complex, trying not to jostle the chair too hard, but also get to the front doors as quickly as possible. Severide was keeping pace right beside them, tightly holding onto Shay's hand.

When they got outside, they found ambulance 61pulled right up to the building. The chief and Clarke helped to transfer Shay onto a stretcher and up into the back.

"Capp will drive you. We'll meet you at the hospital. Now go!" Bowden informed them as he was shutting the doors. There was a loud slap on the sidewall as the Chief signaled to Capp that they were loaded and ready to go, and then they were off, the tires squealing and the sirens wailing as they roared out of the neighborhood.

Severide had to close his eyes as Mills began to cut away Shay's uniform, hooking her up to the ECG and all of the other monitoring equipment in the back of the ambo. He didn't want to see his best friend like this. It was too much.

As Mills read through the display on the monitors he immediately began cursing under his breath. "What is it?" Kelly asked, still looking away.

"Her BP is sky high, rhythm is irregular, sats are dropping," Mills shook his head, then glanced around the room, looking for some clue as to where to start. "I'm going to bag her," he concluded, grabbing the kit from its place under the bench.

He was just finishing taping the device to her mouth, when loud alarms started to go off. "Shit! She's crashing." Without thinking he grabbed Kelly's hand and placed it on the bag. "Squeeze gently every few seconds. When I say 'clear' you drop everything and move back got it?" he instructed.

Kelly nodded and did as he was told. He found that if he just focused on Shay from the eyes upward he could almost convince himself that she was just sleeping.

There was a loud buzzing as the machine charged, then Mills yelled "Clear!" and Kelly dropped his hand. There was pure silence for a second before the drawn out beep started over again.

Kelly finally brought himself to look over at the young firefighter to gauge his reaction. Mills was blinking back tears but was otherwise holding it together remarkably well as he reset the machine to try again. "Come on Leslie," Severide murmured, choking back his own sobs as he squeezed the bag with one hand and stroked her hair with the other.

Mills had him step back once again as he used the paddles to shock her. Both men held their breath as they waited for the telltale beeping to begin again. When steady beeps began emanating from the ECG both men sighed with relief. "We've got her," Mills reassured Kelly as he turned the AED off and got back to work.

Kelly slammed his fist into the back window of the cab of the ambulance and yelled, "Capp step on it!" There was a lurch as Capp floored it, getting them to Lakeshore in record time.

The vehicle screeched to a halt and the next thing Severide knew, the doors were being thrown open and they were surrounded by people wearing scrubs. The doctors rolled the stretcher out and began running into the ER with Mills keeping pace, yelling out Shays stats.

Severide made to follow but was stopped by a firm grip on his arm. Turning around he found Capp standing there, the worry clear on his face. Without a word Severide sagged toward the ground and Capp had to lunge in order to catch him.

"Hey man, she'll be okay. We all know that Shay's a fighter." Capp reassured him.

Severide shook his head against the other man's jacket. "We lost her Capp. She almost didn't come back. I don't know what I'm going to do if…"

"Hey, let's not waste our time on 'what ifs' alright? Come on. Let's get you sitting down." Capp practically had to drag him to the waiting room.

The two men sat in the cramped hospital chairs for what felt like hours. As time passed more of the team from firehouse 51 began to show up. First they were joined by the rest of Squad, followed by Mouch, Herrmann, Otis and Cruz. Severide felt agitated sitting down and doing nothing. He got up and began to pace the short aisle of chairs. He rubbed his face absentmindedly and was shocked by the rough feel of stubble beneath his palm. It had to be nearing morning.

Finally, Casey and Mills, followed by the chief made their way through the emergency room doors. Kelly had to pace himself in order to keep from running over to them.

"Do you have an update?" He asked desperately.

"She was still in surgery when I left," Mills told him, giving his arm a light squeeze.

"That's good right? It means that they can save her?" Severide looked at each man in turn, searching their faces for some sign of hope.

Mills sighed heavily, "I don't know man. I'm sorry."

The group made their way to the rest of the firefighters still waiting in the lobby. Severide trailed behind slightly, lost in thought.

"Gabby has a concussion but the doctors say she's already making progress towards a full recovery. They're releasing her later this morning. She should be back to work in no time," Casey announced.

Some of the guys sighed with relief, but all of them continued to look worried.

"Any news on Shay?" Clarke asked quietly, fearing the answer.

All three men shook their heads.

"If you have ever held anything back- any wish, any thought, any prayer- you use that right now. Firehouse 51 will not be losing a member tonight, and I need you to use every ounce of positivity in your body to ensure that happens. Understood?" Chief Bowden stated, making eye contact with each firefighter to emphasize his point. The men nodded, a new air of focus and determination coming over them. Satisfied, Bowden turned away, searching out his squad lieutenant.

"Kelly, I-" the chief cut himself off as he took notice of the younger man's condition. "What happened to your arm?"

Severide actually had to glance down in order to figure out what he was talking about. He had completely forgotten that he had been injured as well. "It's just a graze chief. It can wait."

"Like hell it can. Exactly how much help do you think you're going to be to Shay if you're stuck in your own hospital bed with an infection?" Bowden's voice was filled with a quiet fury that most men knew not to mess with.

Kelly Severide was not most men.

"All due respect chief, but I'm fine. I'd rather be here if someone comes out with news."

"Severide you will get that arm looked at immediately and that's an order." Kelly would have continued to argue, but the chief had already turned away to find a nurse. Preferably one that would drag the lieutenant to an exam room if he put up any more resistance.

Defeated, Kelly followed. He was lead to an open bed in the middle of a busy room. It obviously wasn't the emergency room, but a smaller location reserved for individuals whose injuries didn't require immediate attention, but still needed to be seen by a doctor.

A pretty young nurse pulled the privacy curtain part of the way closed and began to ask him questions. It was a testament to how distracted Kelly was that he didn't even notice the girl's looks, just answered her on autopilot. When it became clear that he would be staying put, the chief left to give them some space.

Kelly winced out of habit when the nurse applied antiseptic to the wound but he didn't really feel anything. He was numb. While she was fumbling with the dressing, a flash of blonde hair caught his eye from across the room. Detectives Erin Lindsey and Antonio Dawson were striding purposefully toward him.

For a second Severide was confused. Then the memory of the feel of cold steel biting into his palm, and the kick as the weapon fired flooded back to him. As the nurse finished up, he slowly raised his hands in surrender.

"Kelly Severide, would you please come with us?" Antonio asked, giving a nod of dismissal to the nurse.

Kelly tried to make eye contact with Erin, to plead with her to let him stay, but she was looking anywhere but at the firefighter. The two of them hadn't talked since he broke up with her two months ago, even though the separation had been mutual. They simply hadn't been able to deal with each other's grueling schedules, not to mention the fact that they were both constantly putting themselves in harm's way. They had promised each other that there wouldn't be any awkwardness but that obviously wasn't the case.

Giving up, he turned to Antonio instead. "Please, I'll come in willingly. Just let me find out how Shay's doing. I'll turn myself in. I di-"

"As a friend I'm going to suggest that you shut up and just come with us." Antonio gave him a pointed look and just waited.

Severide hesitated. He wanted to keep arguing but he was exhausted. Definitely far too tired to pick up on any hint the detective was trying to give him. With a sigh he pushed off of the table and followed quietly.

They arrived in a small conference room. Erin slunk into a corner, crossing her arms and continuing to look away. Kelly wanted to say something to her but couldn't come up with the words. Instead he shifted his focus to just getting through this interview as quickly as possible. "Did the kid make it?" he asked.

Antonio shook his head from where he was leaning back against the conference table. "Look man, all we know is that we have two DOAs, two guns, and two injured paramedics. We don't know what went down and we don't really need to know what went down. Maybe the gangbangers had the dumb luck of just firing at the exact same time. We're here to suggest that you stay tight lipped on the whole thing, comprende?"

"I killed a kid! He couldn't have been more than a teenager. And you want me to what… to lie about it just because he made some bad choices in life?" Kelly couldn't believe what he was hearing. He knew that the intelligence unit was corrupt and had been involved in some pretty shady cover-ups in the past, but he had thought that Antonio Dawson was one of the good guys.

"Hear me out Severide. What happened in that room was clear-cut self-defense. I don't need to hear your testimony to know that if you hadn't shot that kid either you, or Shay, or maybe even both of you would be in much more dire straights right now. You'll both have the scars to prove it. There's no way that you'd ever get convicted of any wrongdoing. The only thing on the line here is your career. We both know the CFD would frown upon you firing a weapon while on duty. Especially since it resulted in the death of a kid, and even more so since it occurred in a building that you weren't even called to. Is this really something that you want to lose your job over?"

"If it meant saving Shay's life, fuck yeah it is. And even if what you're saying is true, there's no way in hell I'm letting myself be indebted to Hank Voight. I'll take my chances with the CFD." Both men were yelling now. It was a miracle that hospital security hadn't barged in to break up the commotion yet.

"Think about who you're talking to Severide. I'm the last person in Chicago who would ever suggest making a deal with Voight. This is your best option." Antonio was quieting down now, trying to appeal to Kelly's more sensible side, if it even existed.

Severide opened his mouth to continue arguing, but found himself at a loss for words. None of this felt right. A young man had died, and whether the shooting was justified or not, what happened shouldn't be swept under the rug.

"Just take the deal Kelly," Erin said quietly from her spot in the corner. She finally looked at him. "We both know that rescue squad defines who you are. Chicago needs more men like you, not to lose the few that they have over a technicality.

Kelly rubbed his jaw roughly. His heart was rallying so hard against everything that they were saying, but in his mind he knew they were right. Slowly he nodded even though he didn't want to.

"Good. We'll be in touch," Antonio ushered him out of the room and back towards the waiting room, where the rest of 51 remained.

On his way he nearly ran head first into Hank Voight himself, who appeared to be waiting for his detectives to come out of the interview. "Nice shot lieutenant," the sergeant winked at him, making a gun shape with his fingers.

Kelly felt sick to his stomach. He needed to get away from all of this and back to his family so he could focus on its most important member (to him anyway) and whether or not she was going to be okay.

He didn't have long to wait to find out, for just as he was approaching his team, Dr. Arrata was making his way from the hall leading to the operating rooms.

"Family of Leslie Shay?"


	3. Chapter 3

_Severide stepped into the apartment and looked around. Something was off but he just couldn't put his finger on it. The TV was still on the wall, all of the appliances were still in place, there was fresh fruit on the counter, but despite all of that something was just… missing._

_He walked in slowly, the hardwood shifting under his weight. His hand ghosted along the back of the couch and he paused and looked at it for a moment. Something belonged there but for the life of him he couldn't think of what it was. Maybe if he went up to his room to get some rest it would come to him._

_At the top of the stairs a partially open door caught his attention. He made his way over and shouldered it open with a loud creak. It was empty. No furniture, nothing adorning the walls, just completely barren._

_Shay's room was empty._

_Feeling his heart rate quicken, he turned and ran, not even knowing where his feet were taking him, but in the blink of an eye he was at the firehouse. Immediately he made his way to the back, towards the locker room. Turning down the familiar aisle he skidded to a stop. It was gone. The locker was still there but the old piece of masking tape bearing her name in all caps was missing._

_Ripping the door open with so much force that the hinges squealed in protest, he stopped. The locker too was empty. No clothes, no shampoo, no make up. Even the picture of the two of them was removed from its place of honor on the door. _

_Closing his eyes he tried to dampen his growing panic. When he opened them again he was no longer at 51, but rather at one of the places that he hated most in the world._

_On the wall in front of him hung a plaque. The wood was new and free of dust, the engraving on the metal so fresh it sparkled in the hall lights. The badge was one he had seen hundreds of times. On a bench at work, on a table at home, hooked to her belt while she was on a call. He would recognize it anywhere. The number was just one off from his own. She had joked that it was fate when they first realized shortly after they had moved in together._

_Badge number 1851_

_Leslie Elizabeth Shay_

_Killed in the line of duty._

_His face was wet but he hadn't even realized he had started crying. The letters and numbers blurred, fading into the background. He tried to blink away the tears, attempting to hold onto the one shred of his best friend he had managed to find, but when he cleared his vision the plaque was blank._

_He took a step back, confused. As his foot hit the floor he felt something else as well. A heavy weight in his right hand, cool metal beneath his fingers._

_Bewildered he spun to his right and was met with a familiar face. Hispanic, late teens, a hard look in his cold eyes._

_Severide didn't want to do it, but somewhere in his mind he knew that he had to. If it meant bringing his best friend back he wouldn't hesitate._

_Raising the weapon, he disengaged the safety and aimed, right for the center of the forehead._

_But as his finger squeezed into the trigger, the person in front of him changed, becoming softer, the features more angular. The hair long and golden blonde like an angel's. And the eyes, Shay's terrified blue eyes pierced right into his soul._

_He tried to stop himself but it was too late, the trigger depressed. _

_The gun went off._

Kelly started awake, smacking his head on the railing of the hospital bed in the process. It took him a minute to slow his heart, which felt like it might actually beat its way out of his chest. It took him another two to calm down enough to realize where he was.

He rubbed the sore spot on his scalp as he sat back in his hard plastic chair. He shouldn't have fallen asleep. He had promised himself that he wouldn't.

Dim light shone through the drawn curtains over the window. A glance at the clock told him it was approaching 11:30 in the morning. The nurses had taken out Shay's breathing tube five hours earlier when she had started to open her eyes for brief periods. Severide had planned to only rest his head on the edge of the bed for a few minutes, but apparently his total exhaustion had caught up with him. Too bad it hadn't been a dreamless sleep.

He knew that the doctors had put Shay into an induced coma, hoping to give her body a chance to heal itself. Still there was that nagging fear in the back of his mind that she would never wake up.

He should have been eased by the fact that she was regaining consciousness, however briefly, but that wasn't enough for him. He needed to talk to her. He needed to hear her voice reassuring him that she would be okay. That _they_ would be okay.

With a groan he stretched out, feeling a few pops in his spine. Pushing to his feet he walked into the adjoining washroom to splash cold water on his face. As he looked into the mirror he sighed. He looked like hell.

It wasn't just the red puffy eyes or the sleep tousled hair that came from waking up from a nightmare. It was his overall appearance. He had a good three days worth of beard growing in, which barely even started to hide the hollowness of his cheeks. His skin was sallow and the dark circles under his eyes looked like they might be becoming a permanent fixture.

Shay didn't deserve to wake up to seeing him like this. Despite knowing that, for the life of him he couldn't bring himself to leave.

His mind kept going back to that heart stopping moment in the waiting room. To the fear that he felt not knowing what the doctor was going to say.

"_Family of Leslie Shay," Dr. Arrata walked directly toward the group of firefighters, recognizing them from previous calls. _

_The men all stood in solemn solidarity, giving the doctor their full attention. Kelly felt a heavy hand on his shoulder, and turned his head to find the chief holding him steady._

"_The patient is critical but stable. If she continues to improve over the next 24 hours we're optimistic for a favorable outcome," the doctor announced._

_Each of the men began to cautiously celebrate. Though their girl wasn't out of the woods yet, every one of them knew that she was a fighter and that if she had made it this far, there was no way that she was going to give up._

"_Kelly Severide?" He heard Dr. Arrata ask, just as he was receiving a slap on the back from Clarke. He turned to the man finding that his brow was still furrowed with worry, and his heart sank. "You're listed as Ms. Shay's emergency contact. I need to speak with you privately to discuss her options."_

He had just nodded numbly and followed along.

Now, three days later, he was questioning everything. Every action, every decision he made, he needed his best friend to reassure him.

That was more than evident in his nightmares. He had tried not to sleep at all over the last few days, knowing what was coming. Unfortunately, nodding off in the quiet hospital room was becoming more and more unavoidable as his exhaustion caught up with him.

His mind had put him through everything. Dreams of Shay dying in his arms, of her not making it through surgery, of having to meet the family of the kid he killed and trying to justify his actions to their accusing faces… the worst dreams were the ones that combined the two, like the one that he had just woken up from. It was tearing him apart.

The soft sound of the sheets ruffling in the main room caught his attention. Hurriedly he dried his face, giving his reflection one last reproachful look, before heading out to check on his friend.

Shay's eyes were still closed, but her fingers fidgeted where they lay on her blankets, conveying her struggle to finally fight her way back to consciousness.

Kelly seated himself back into his uncomfortable chair by the bed. Propping his feet up underneath, he reached to grab one of her hands gently and bring it to his lips, settling in for the wait.

They had been through this a few times already, so Severide no longer got his hopes up. She would always open and close her eyes a few times, just staring at the ceiling before drifting back into sleep.

When her eyes opened this time, and she slowly turned her head to lock her gaze on him and squeeze his hand back, he was so startled that he didn't know what to do.

"Guess I really should look into getting a frequent flier pass for this place, huh?" Leslie whispered with a tiny smirk. Her voice was dry and raspy from disuse and her eyes remained half lidded, but she was definitely coherent for the first time since the ordeal.

Inexplicably Severide felt rage begin to boil through his veins. He ground his teeth together in an attempt to tamp it down, but he was unprepared for how suddenly and forcefully it came on.

"Kelly?" Shay asked softly, confused by his silence and the growing storm in his blue eyes.

He dropped her hand back to the bed and stood quickly from his chair, causing it to screech loudly as it lurched across the floor. "Is that all this is to you? Some kind of joke?" he hissed angrily. Shay opened her mouth, but he cut her off before she could so much as make a sound. "You could have died. How stupid do you have to be to jump someone pointing a gun at you?"

He could see the tears building up in her eyes and silently slipping down onto her pale cheeks. It was killing him to see her like this, and the knife cut even deeper knowing that he was the one causing her emotional distress. Yet still, for reasons he would never know, he couldn't stop himself. "Is your life worth that little to you? Hell, am _I_ worth that little to you?" He ran a hand roughly through his hair, scratching at his scalp. His eyes stung as a fresh set of tears welled their way up. "I don't think that I want to know the answer to that."

Without a second glance he turned and left the small private room. He needed to get out of there and get his head on straight. He felt awful about everything that had just come out of his mouth, but he knew that trying to apologize would be useless when he was still riled up and in such a volatile state.

As the door slammed shut it was like a slap to Shay's face. With effort she brought a hand to her mouth trying to hold back her sobs. Each heave brought a burning sensation to her lower abdomen and she had to bite her lip in order to try to fight the pain.

Without warning the door flew back open, revealing a clearly panicked Dawson skidding to a halt. The brunette's gaze frantically swept over her friend before, apparently satisfied, she let out a sigh of relief.

Walking over to the bed, she took up Severide's recently vacated post, clenching Shay's hand between both of her own. "You really scared us for a minute there, girl. Casey and I came for a visit after shift and we see Severide storming out of here like a bat out of hell. We didn't know what to think. Is everything alright?"

Shay worried her lips together, feeling moisture still flowing freely down her cheeks. "You tell me. I just woke up."

Gabby shook her head, "I don't know what to tell you. You remember what happened at that last call right?" Shay still seemed fuzzy, but she nodded her head. "When they brought you in you were critical. The doctors performed surgery and then put you into an induced coma. It's been a little over three days. Beyond that I don't really know anything. Arrata would only talk to Severide about your condition and he's been tight lipped on the whole thing."

Shay's brow wrinkled in confusion. She didn't know why Kelly would keep the firehouse in the dark over how she was doing. Beyond that, none of what Dawson had just said explained his behavior when she woke up.

A light tap on the door startled her out of her thoughts. Looking up she saw a friendly looking middle-aged nurse poke her head into the room. "So sorry to interrupt. It's wonderful to see you awake Ms. Shay. I just wanted to let you know that Dr. Arrata is busy in a surgery right now, but he'll be by to update you on your condition and to answer any questions that you might have as soon as he can."

Shay nodded and did her best to give the nurse a pleasant smile. After the woman retreated from the room, it threw Shay for a moment. Her mind was too clouded with painkillers for her to focus properly. "I don't understand," she stated once she finally managed to pull her thoughts together. "When I woke up, he just blew up at me. I didn't even get a chance to say anything."

Gabby pondered that for a moment and slowly a sad smile spread across her face. "The guy has been a mess since you got yourself in here again Shay. You scared the hell out of all of us, but as usual Kelly took it the hardest. Casey barely convinced him to go home and shower and change once we found out that you were out of the woods and had been moved to ICU. I don't think he's left your bedside since he got back. The man is probably sleep deprived as hell. You know grumpy Kelly better than anyone else. I wouldn't take it personally."

Shay grinned slightly, knowing how her best friend could get when he wasn't getting enough shuteye. Still, his confrontation earlier had felt different, more desperate. She'd have to have a sit-down with him once he had calmed down. "Every feminist in a 5 mile radius is going to want to hunt me down for saying this, but I just wish I could have woken up to my knight in shining armor, you know? Not the roommate from hell." Shay commented, her voice cracking despite the fact that she was trying to lighten the mood.

Dawson smiled anyway, smoothing her friend's hair down with a gentle brush of her palm. "I hear you. Now enough with the boy drama before someone comes to take your lesbian card away."

Shay felt some of the tension melt from her shoulders, appreciating the fact that she could slip back so easily into her friendship with her fellow paramedic. Really taking in the girl sitting beside her for the first time since she entered the room, she noticed a small square of gauze peeking out from Dawson's hairline.

"Shit, I forgot you got hurt too. Look at me being all self absorbed in my hospital bed. Are you okay?"

Dawson scoffed, touching her forehead absentmindedly. "Oh please, I'm fine. Already back on shift remember? Just a mild concussion. The chief's got me on light duty for the next few weeks though. Believe me, the boys are none too happy about being stuck with a couple of noob paramedics."

"Hold on, a few weeks? What about Kenosha?" Shay started fidgeting with her sheets, already sensing that Dawson was putting her life on hold for her, and not liking it one bit.

"Kenosha can wait. Right now my girl needs me more than my boyfriend and I'm not letting you argue about it. Speaking of boyfriends, I should call Matt. He's probably still worried. Why don't you just rest for a bit Sleeping Beauty, you look like you're about to keel over." Dawson gave her a look before standing up and retrieving her cellphone from her pocket, intending to make the call outside.

Shay opened her mouth to protest, but instead of words coming out, a yawn escaped from her lips. She had to admit that she was exhausted, which was ridiculous considering that she had just woken up from sleeping for three days solid.

As she watched Dawson cross the room towards the door, she felt her eyelids begin to droop lower and lower. They closed completely before the door had a chance to click shut.

* * *

Matt Casey stood at the edge of the hospital parking lot keeping an eye on Kelly Severide. He wanted to give the man space, knowing that if something had happened to Shay, his friend would be absolutely devastated. At the same time he wanted to make sure the squad lieutenant didn't do anything stupid.

Severide was sitting on a bench overlooking a small park beside the hospital with his head in his hands. Casey had never seen him look this rough. Not even when Andy died. He wasn't sure what had happened in that building three nights ago, but whatever it was, witnessing it first hand must have been awful.

Casey's phone buzzed in his pocket, notifying him that he had an incoming call. Glancing down he saw that it was Gabby calling him with an update. Once Dawson explained to him what had happened he couldn't help but sigh with relief. Hanging up, he promised he would meet her inside in a bit.

He walked over to the bench and sat down without saying a word. Severide didn't even look up but after a moment of silence he spoke, "I fucked up."

Casey continued to just sit and listen, allowing the other man to get out anything he needed to say.

"She woke up and she was just being her usual self, cracking her lame jokes, and I just lost it." Kelly stopped and chewed at his knuckle agitatedly. He was silent for so long that Casey thought that he was done speaking. He was just about to say something when Kelly continued.

"She died in that ambulance Matt. Mills almost couldn't bring her back."

Casey was stunned. He knew that Shay had been in really rough shape but he had never really asked how bad it had gotten. That night he had been too focused on Gabby, and since then nobody had really talked about it. Firehouse 51 had remained eerily quiet as if no one had wanted to jinx Shay's recovery. Or maybe the dynamic had just shifted too much without the presence of two of its most loved members.

"I've spent three days in that room and all I could think about was losing her. I can't sleep because when I close my eyes I just picture it in my head. If she hadn't made it I don't know what I would have done. But she doesn't deserve what I said to her. I'm such an ass."

Casey chewed over this new news for a moment. " Well, no one's arguing that you're an ass." Severide acknowledged him for the first time, giving him an incredulous look. "But this is Shay we're talking about. She's probably the most forgiving person that either of us will ever meet."

Severide leaned back in his seat, staring off into the distance. "That doesn't make me feel any better about what I did. She deserves so much better."

"Well then make it up to her. Dawson's with her right now. I'll take you back to my place, we'll get you cleaned up, then you can come back here and grovel."

Severide nodded.

* * *

Leslie sat in her hospital bed picking at the sheets absentmindedly. Dawson had left, claiming she was going to get coffee after she had glanced at her phone. Shay wished she would hurry back. Being alone certainly wasn't easing her mind. Dr. Arrata still hadn't been by to tell her what her condition was medically, and the not knowing was gnawing at her. She knew she had been shot, but she had no idea what kind of damage had been done. The fact that Kelly wasn't telling anybody worried her.

The door creaked and she looked over to find Severide staring back at her. He was clean-shaven and he had changed his clothes but he still looked haggard. She just sat there at a loss for words, not knowing which side of her roommate she was about to face. He looked unsure of himself, a look that didn't belong on Kelly Severide's face. Finally after a few minutes of awkward silence his resolve seemed to break.

He strode across the room with purpose and the next thing that Shay knew she was in his arms. She buried her face in the side of his neck and just breathed. He smelled like home. It made her feel safe for the first time since she had woken up in this mess.

"I'm so sorry," Kelly admitted. His voice was rough with emotion but Shay pretended not to hear it. Normally she would have cracked a joke but it was starting to sink in with her just how scared he had been.

"Hey, it's all right," she soothed, stroking his hair.

"I can't lose you Shay. Promise me you'll never do something like that again. Please," he begged.

Shay pulled back forcing him to look at her. "We both know that I can't make any promises. We all put our lives on the line everyday. I know you don't want me to change that. I can try to be a little more careful though," she added wryly.

Severide gave her a hard look but soon softened, pulling back to sit in his usual chair but making sure to keep contact, his hand squeezing her knee lightly. There was no way he was letting her out of his sight anytime soon. "No, of course, you're right. But I'm going to hold you to that being more careful statement. What happened to that taser you used to carry anyway?"

"Some guy told me it was against regulation," Shay rolled her eyes with a smirk. She gave his shoulder a light shove. The force reverberated back through her body and she winced slightly at the pain in her side.

Kelly pounced on that look immediately. "Shay, are you okay? Do you need to me to call a nurse?"

"Down boy, I'm fine," Shay shifted uncomfortably, trying to ease the throbbing ache by changing positions. "What's wrong with me anyway? Dawson said you weren't telling anybody."

Severide chewed his lip nervously, not knowing where to begin. He was saved by the door swinging open once again.

"This place is like grand central station I swear to god," Shay muttered, shaking her head. She had wanted to finally get some answers. When she realized that it was Dr. Arrata who had opened the door she sighed with relief.

"Ms. Shay, it's good to see you again, and even better to see you now that you're conscious." The doctor strode in and picked up her chart. Glancing over it quickly he gave a nod of approval. "It would seem that you've been improving steadily since your arrival, but I'm afraid you're not in the clear quite yet. You have some decisions to make."

Shay was bewildered, but nodded her head anyway, giving him permission to continue. She didn't miss Kelly shifting his chair closer to the bed, and subtly picking up her hand to squeeze within his own. A sense of foreboding washed over her, but she tried her best to keep the panic out of her face.

"As I'm certain you remember, you were shot while responding to an unforeseen incident on your last call," Shay felt Kelly flinch beside her and used her free hand to stroke his hair absentmindedly. "The bullet entered just medial of your right iliac crest. It perforated your bowel and the introduction of bacteria from your intestines into your blood stream caused you to go into septic shock. You went into cardiac arrest in the ambulance but your friend Mills was able to use the AED to bring you back. This is the reason that we put you into an induced coma… in order to decrease the stress on your heart while the toxins cleared from your blood stream."

Shay was speechless. She was going to have to find some way to thank Mills once she was released. It couldn't have been easy to get thrown into that kind of situation out of nowhere, and it definitely would have been even worse knowing that he was working on a friend. She was starting to appreciate just what 51 had gone through while she had been unconscious. Even more importantly she was starting to understand where Kelly was coming from, knowing that he would have stayed glued to her side during that harrowing ambulance ride.

"As for the actual trajectory of the bullet," Dr. Arrata continued, "it unfortunately pierced your right ovary. We had to perform an ooectomy in order to control the bleeding." Shay's free hand flew to her mouth as his meaning sunk in. Kelly stood and walked around the bed, sliding in behind her and pulling his friend into his chest. He tried to calm the tremors that were quickly overtaking her small body by pulling her in closer, holding her tighter. He massaged her shoulder soothingly with one hand and buried his nose into her hair, knowing that there was more news still to come.

"This isn't as bad as it sounds," Dr. Arrata assured her, keeping his calm doctor's demeanor. "You still have one perfectly working ovary. Though this decreases your chances of conceiving naturally, with the help of modern technology you can still carry and give birth to your own biological offspring."

Shay took deep breaths to try to control her breathing. She could hear Kelly whispering soothingly in her ear in an attempt to calm her down. She needed to pull herself together. Once she had regained some semblance of control she nodded for the doctor to continue.

"As I mentioned earlier the bullet then perforated your intestine. We were able to repair the damage, but you'll be on a liquid diet likely for at least the next few weeks."

Shay nodded once again, starting to feel more like herself. She was strong, she had an excellent support system, she could pull through this.

"From there the bullet continued upward before lodging in your spine at the level of your L3 vertebrae." At this Shay felt that sinking feeling once again. This time however, it was quickly turning into a full-blown panic. Quickly she tried to wiggle her toes under the sheets, realizing that she hadn't moved her legs once since she woke up.

When the sheets shifted with the movement, she was confused. When she concentrated she realized she could feel the pressure of the blankets on her legs as well. The doctor had to have mixed up her chart with someone else's.

Kelly's arms tightened around her once again. Dr. Arrata nodded at her, acknowledging her bewilderment. "The bullet is imbedded within the vertebral body. As of yet there is no nerve damage. However, you're in a precarious position. It wouldn't take much to shift that bullet to impinge a nerve or worse, lacerate the spinal cord. Becoming violently ill, a minor car accident, or even a pregnancy could change your condition rapidly. We can perform surgery to remove the bullet, but there are risks…"

"Do the surgery," Shay interrupted, not even having to stop to think about it.

"I have to warn you that you're in danger of the same complications of the bullet shifting on it's own with the surgery. In fact, the risk may even be higher with doctors poking around in such a delicate area. As it stands, you may live a relatively normal life. You wouldn't be able to continue on as a paramedic but you could work a desk job with very little change to the rest of your lifestyle. With the surgery you're looking at months of physical therapy and in the end you may never regain the strength and stability in your low back that you once had."

Shay closed her eyes, trying to block out the world if only for a moment. She sighed deeply pinching the bridge of her nose which had begun to burn with unshed tears. "I don't care. I want the surgery," she said quietly, refusing to look up.

Kelly noticed that the doctor's eyes glowed with approval. He couldn't help but agree. Though he had been too hesitant to make this decision for his friend while she was unconscious he knew that surgery was the right choice. Shay was not a quitter.

"I'll book an OR. You can expect to get this whole thing over with within the next couple of days." Dr. Arrata left the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

"It's going to be okay," Kelly whispered to his friend, as soon as they were alone.

"You think?" Shay questioned skeptically.

"I know," Severide shifted carefully, making sure not to jostle her and cause her anymore pain. Looking directly into her soulful blue eyes he told her, "I'm so damn proud of you."

Shay scrubbed under her eyes roughly, trying to hide the evidence of the few tears that had managed to slip out. "Hey Kel, can you do me a favor?"

"Of course. Anything." He replied, shocked that she thought she even had to ask.

"Stay with me. At least until the surgery." She looked nervous that he might turn her down. After all he had already spent three days in the room. He had to be exhausted, not to mention sore from the lack of a comfortable sleeping position.

He almost laughed at the thought that she was actually worried about his response. "You couldn't kick me out of here if you tried." He gave her one of his signature Kelly Severide smiles.

She finally allowed herself to relax back into his embrace. She reminded herself once again that she would be able to get through this. She had a feeling that she would need that reminder more than a few times over the next couple of days.

Just as she managed to get settled, the door squeaked once again before banging open. This time Shay's frustrated sigh was audible and Kelly could tell that she was looking around for something to throw at whoever the unfortunate victim was that happened to cross the threshold.

He made a mental note that he'd have to find some grease to fix the creaky hinges if he wanted to preserve his best friend's sanity. Maybe a 'do not disturb' sign too.

Into the room walked Clarke, Capp, Mills, and Tony, all of which had obviously made an effort to look good for their fallen friend. Capp carried a giant bouquet of flowers and Mills was sporting some balloons and an absurdly large but soft looking stuffed elephant. The look of annoyance on Shay's face quickly morphed into a large grin.

Strolling right into the room as if he owned the place, Clarke made his way over to the bed and pulled Leslie into a big bear hug. "Look who still has lots of sand left," he commented as he playfully shoved Severide off of the bed behind her back.

Kelly stumbled, barely managing to catch his balance before he did a face plant beside the bed. He had no idea what Clarke was referring to, but by the look on Leslie's face it meant a lot to her.

Looking around the room, he saw all of the love and support written on his squad's faces. It would be a long road to recovery, but with the help of the men in that room and everyone at 51, he was confident that she would pull through.

* * *

Hey all, thanks so much for the support on the first couple of chapters. This one was a bit harder to write, I think because of the likely impending death of Shay on the show. I don't know what I'm going to do if they actually kill her off... Review please!


	4. Chapter 4

Kelly stood on the sidewalk, staring at the tall glass doors that lead into the daunting brick structure that housed Chicago' District 21 precinct. He wasn't sure he wanted to go in, but he knew he had to. Today marked a turning point on so many levels. The first step was acceptance.

He had been hoping to put this off, but when he got the call from the intelligence division earlier that morning he knew that there was no use. Better to just get it over with.

He had been unbelievably busy the last few days. Part of him regretted how little time he had spent with Shay recently, but she was steady on the road to recovery. He had set up a schedule at the firehouse, making sure that someone was with her daily, giving her moral support and insuring that she wasn't giving up on her rehab, even when things were getting rough. He was so thankful that the surgery had been successful without any major complications. Still, he could see her frustration was beginning to wear on her. She wasn't getting results as quickly as she wanted, even if the doctors were surprised about how quickly she was progressing. He was glad that she would be coming home. He wanted to be able to keep a closer eye on her, make sure she had her head on straight.

Ironically, that was the reason he had been seeing less of the blonde paramedic in the first place. He wanted to make sure that the apartment was perfect when she arrived later that night. He had persuaded Casey to spend almost every spare moment that the two men had over the last couple of weeks fixing up the place. Kelly wanted everything to be easily accessible to her on the days he was on shift. He had wanted to take some more time off to get her settled back in, at least for the first week, but Shay was having none of it. Little did she know he would be stopping in to check on her anyway. She would get over it. Eventually.

He still had a lot to do today but it would have to wait. He climbed the steps and pulled open one of the heavy doors.

At the front desk he gave a nod to Sergeant Platt, but headed back without checking in. He knew where he was going. He was also fairly certain that this meeting was off the record.

When he reached the intelligence unit he was greeted by Antonio with a slap on the back. Erin didn't even look up from her desk. He couldn't lie, it stung a little.

While he was looking in her direction another person caught his attention. She was older, probably early fifties. She looked well put together, as if trying to represent herself beyond her means. That said, she still looked disheveled, as if it was a struggle to put in the effort to make herself presentable to the world. She was Hispanic, and when her chocolate brown eyes locked onto the squad lieutenant's he knew.

His stomach clenched then quickly felt as if it were falling through the floor. The woman looked away, her hand coming to her face to shield her hurt from his prying eyes. She nodded to the officer who was relaying whatever dreadful story the police had concocted to cover up what he'd done. She never looked back. She didn't know who he was.

Somehow that made him feel worse.

He was broken from his reverie by Antonio ushering him into an adjoining room. The door was shut quickly behind him. Detective Jay Halstead stood across from him leaning against the wall, a manila folder in hand. He nodded toward an empty chair and small table occupying the majority of the room. As Severide sat the detective placed a document in front of him. "This is your sworn statement. Just sign at the bottom." Jay informed him, skipping any unnecessary small talk.

Kelly flipped open the pages, wanting to know just what he had supposedly said. Before he could get past the first few lines he was interrupted.

"May 28th, 2014, 8:57pm. Firehouse 51 received a call regarding an apartment fire in humble park. While performing their duties, the paramedics on scene received a report of possible injuries in an adjacent building. After receiving permission from the battalion chief, the paramedics proceeded to the building in question to investigate. While they were inside, shots were believed to have been fired from inside the building. After receiving an all clear," At this Jay looked up from the folder he was reciting from, knowing this was where the story began to veer from the truth, "you, Lieutenant Kelly Severide entered the building to assess the situation and use your rescue squad training as necessary. Upon arrival you found two DOAs, Daniel Suarez, 15, and Julio Lopez, 26. Both were found to be holding pistols that were recently fired. Both had also died of apparent gunshot wounds. You also found Gabriella Dawson with a moderate head injury, and Leslie Shay who was suffering a gun shot wound to the abdomen. You called for back up and applied emergency medical aid where possible. The cut on your arm was received when you grazed it on broken glass as you entered the building. Are we clear?"

Severide bit his lip but didn't say anything. He couldn't. It just felt so wrong.

Jay sighed in frustration and tossed the folder onto the table where it landed with a loud slap. "Any way you slice it the kid's a murderer Kelly. What difference does it make whether he was killed by another street thug, or by a firefighter trying to save lives? Now I'll ask again, are we clear?"

"Crystal." Kelly ground out through gritted teeth. He was so tense the pen nearly tore through the paper as he signed. He didn't even know why he was so upset. Lord knew he'd been willing to take things into his own hands with Vince Keeler. And if Shay's life were threatened again he would pull the trigger in a heartbeat. Family came first and he would defend them to the end. Always.

It must have had to do with the fact that the guy really was just a kid. He had ended a young life before it had ever really begun. He felt like he needed to take responsibility in some way, no matter how small.

"The woman outside, she's his mother?" He asked quietly.

Halstead nodded. "Roberta Suarez, 52. Emigrated from Mexico ten years ago with Daniel and his older sister. They live together with the sister's kids." Jay narrowed his eyes, seeing where this conversation was headed. "You can't have any contact with them Severide."

Kelly shook his head, playing with the pen idly. "Yeah," he mumbled.

Jay shifted, pushing off the wall and leaning over to add the signed statement to his file. "Once Shay's back on her feet we're going to need her to come in to sign a statement as well."

Kelly gave him a look. "She doesn't remember much after she was shot."

Jay sighed, crossing his arms and setting his feet into a wide stance. "Even so, we need to make sure that all of the paper work is in order and everyone is on the same page. It's for the best."

Kelly clenched his jaw but reluctantly agreed, telling him that he'd bring her by the office sometime over the next couple of weeks.

He pushed back his chair with a screech and exited the room. Without looking back he crossed the intelligence unit quickly before anyone could stop him. He came to the doorway where Mrs. Suarez still stood, speaking to a uniformed officer. He lightly touched her elbow to get her attention. When she turned to look at him he was wracked with guilt all over again. The depth of the pain and sadness in the woman's eyes was unfathomable. Actually, he could imagine it. It was what he would have felt if he had lost Shay.

"I'm sorry for your loss," he told her quietly. As her gaze turned questioning, he forced himself to look away. Inadvertently, he happened to catch Erin's eye where she sat secretly watching him from her desk. His former lover gave him a small smile of approval, but it didn't make him feel any better. None of it had.

Hurriedly he left the building, jogging down the stairs and continuing on down the sidewalk where he had left his bike. He needed to get out of there, hoping to escape both the guilt, and a reprimand for not following orders.

As he kicked the motorcycle into a gentle roar and put his helmet on he determined he would build a new resolve. He had long since decided that this would mark a new beginning in his life. Hopefully it would be a turning point from what seemed to always end in heartbreak, to brighter times ahead.

He had to get home, he had some phone calls to make.

* * *

Shay had never felt this frustrated in her life. She stood, both of her ankles wobbling, her hands hovering over the two metal support bars. She was only one step away from the end. Her side throbbed with every breath she took and it felt like someone was slowly carving at her spine with the edge of a dull knife. Still she was going to do it. She was going to make it through 5 passes without using the bars. All she needed to do was take one more shuffling small step.

One more step on her bad side.

As her weight shifted it sent the pain shooting so hard her vision flared to white. Her hands flew to the bars and clamped down with white knuckles. She squeezed her eyes shut, her breaths halting. She wanted to punch something.

A slow clap echoed across the nearly empty room from behind her. "Congrats. 5 lengths. You did it," Clarke drawled. Apparently it was his turn to babysit her. Kelly had kept a revolving door of her coworkers rolling through to make sure she wasn't going off the deep end. Some of them weren't too surprising. Dawson and Casey had spent more than their fair share of time at her side. Her strange friendship with Clarke had strengthened which she was grateful for. He didn't coddle her but instead treated her like a drill sergeant trying to prepare a man for battle. Capp was there quite a bit too. Severide must have some pretty good dirt on him.

More shockingly Herrmann had come a few times. His visits were awkward at first, until he started to talk about Molly's and Kenny growing up way too fast. Then they started to make her feel connected to the outside world. Severide had even managed to drag the chief in once to 'check on her progress'.

Her moods had varied about the arrangement from day to day. Sometimes she loved the support and was glad for her friends' presence. Mostly it made her uncomfortable and bordering on angry. She didn't want to show her vulnerability, especially in front of the guys. It was hard grained into her because of her profession. Because of that she pushed herself harder and harder each day not wanting to disappoint them. Knowing that if she did she would be even more disappointed in herself. She had pushed herself beyond the point of exhaustion. She was constantly in pain but she couldn't show it. The only person that she could be open about her weakness to was Kelly and he had been practically MIA over the last few weeks.

Finally she couldn't deal with it anymore. Reaching to the side, she grabbed a small ball off of the shelf and whipped it, or at least tried to, right at Jeff's head.

He caught the ball easily with one hand and was about to make a crack about how she needed to work on her arm when he noticed the change in her demeanor. Her complexion had gone ashen and her wobble had transformed into a full-fledged sway. He called out right as she crumpled to the floor, barely managing to catch her before she completely hit the ground.

Unceremoniously he picked up her limp form and carted her over to her wheelchair, which had been parked by the door. Leslie started to come to as he sat her down and flicked off the wheel locks. "You want to tell me what happened back there?" he asked as he started to push her down the hallway.

"Must 've leaned over too far," Leslie mumbled. She was trying to hide just how out of breath she was. The world was spinning and kind of fuzzy around the edges, but when she reached out a hand to try to steady herself she felt that they were definitely moving forward. "Where are we going?"

"Trying to hide the evidence before you get busted by a nurse. Word is you're getting out of this joint tonight. Didn't think you'd want to jeopardize your chances." He managed to get her safely to her room without arousing any suspicion. After closing the door quietly behind them he helped her into her bed and proceeded to hike up the side of her gown.

"Whoa there tiger. What exactly are you doing?" Leslie flinched, trying to push his hands away.

"Making sure I didn't just make a huge mistake by hiding you from everyone with actual medical training." He began to palpate gently around her incision site. Shay tried her best not to wince but couldn't help it in the more tender areas. When he seemed satisfied he allowed the gown to fall back into place. "Gotta keep practicing my field skills so I don't get rusty. Looks like we can avoid getting a doctor but if you suddenly have blood pouring out of any orifices you let me know." He gave her a smirk to let her know that he was mostly kidding and she smiled in return.

"Now are you going to tell me what's really going on or do I need to start using interrogation techniques?" He perched himself on the windowsill and leaned back against the frame. There was no need for body contact with Clarke, a fact that Leslie was grateful for. She had felt uncomfortable enough in her own skin lately, she didn't need anything to add to that.

She sighed heavily. She didn't really want to talk. But if it had to be with anyone other than Kelly it might as well be Jeff. At least she knew he wouldn't go run his mouth to the rest of the firehouse about her current mental state. "It's just been hard you know? It sucks enough waking up one day to find out that you're going to be stuck flat on your back for weeks. I just want to be back to work and back to… I don't know… normal. And seriously, I love you guys but really everyone is just making it worse. I'm trying so hard to get back but my body won't let me and I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm just so done with this shit." She was close to tears for what felt like the millionth time, but just like with everything else she wasn't going to let it show.

Clarke chewed over her words for a moment, shifting his feet. Finally he met her gaze. "A buddy of mine over in Iraq-"

"Hold on," Shay interrupted, "if this is another story about sand-guy I don't know that it applies to my current situation. Or at least I hope it doesn't…"

Clarke leveled her with a look and Shay quickly looked away muttering "sorry," under her breath. After a few seconds she was able to meet his eyes again and nod for him to continue.

"He was too close to an IED when it exploded. Had to have his leg amputated at the knee. Now this guy, he lived for the military. Was born and bred a true marine. Nothing short of death was going to stop him from serving his country. He pushed through all of his therapy and joined back into active duty faster than anyone expected him to. We all knew it was a struggle, but he was a real tough guy. He could get through anything life threw at him. Then one day he isn't at roll call. We go to his tent but we can't even wake him up let alone get him out of bed. Turns out his prosthetic wasn't fitting him right. It was giving him sores and the wounds got infected. He ended up with blood poisoning. The damn thing had been bothering him for weeks but he never said anything. Had to be strong, couldn't show his pain, couldn't let anyone in. We almost had to send him home in a body bag."

Shay flinched.

"I see what you're doing to yourself Leslie. I know the signs and to hell if I'm going to ever let things get that far again. I know you've got a chip on your shoulder and feel like you have something to prove, but it's time for you to ease off a little bit. Nobody thinks you're weak. Hell, two weeks ago you could barely stand up on your own. Today I watched you cruise between those bars 5 times."

"I didn't finish." Leslie muttered. She clenched her fists in her sheets and turned away, hoping that he wouldn't see that she was glaring daggers into the wall.

Clarke stood up and strode over to her side, gently taking her chin and turning her head back so that she had to look at him once again. "You did." He stared into her icy blue eyes and made sure that she was really looking back. Really seeing the truth in his words and understanding their underlying meaning. She hadn't just managed to walk a few steps, she had conquered death, telling it to screw off and try again some other day.

There was a light tap on the door and both Clarke and Shay turned to find Severide standing in the doorway wearing his signature jeans and leather jacket. "Am I interrupting something?" he asked, looking clearly uncomfortable.

Shay smiled slightly. She was already feeling the dark cloud that had been hanging over her for days start to lift. Clarke's military anecdote had once again really resonated with her. Something that they oddly seemed to have a habit of doing. Add to that the prospect that she might finally get to spend some quality time with her best friend and she could definitely feel the winds changing. "Not at all," She reached her hand out to him and like a magnet he instantly latched on encasing her small fingers with his strong, reassuring grip. She had missed this.

She had missed him. Probably more than she was willing to admit.

Jeff cleared his throat from where he still stood on the far side of the bed. "I'll go find an orderly and make sure everything's in order for your impending release." He gave his lieutenant a quick nod then hurried out of the room, obviously uncomfortable with being caught in such a candid moment.

Severide watched him go with one eyebrow raised. Shay thought to herself that he almost looked territorial. He turned back to his roommate. "Is there something I should know about?"

Shay felt the hint of a blush warm her cheeks. She shook her head vigorously and her eyes widened. Kelly chuckled lightly. It had always made him laugh at how flustered she could get sometimes.

"I just had a little bit of a mishap at my therapy session today," Kelly sobered instantly, worried for his friend. "It's no big deal honest. Jeff and I already talked it out." Kelly felt that little bit of jealousy rising from the pit of stomach once again and Shay picked up on it instantly. "Where have you been anyway?"

"You'll find out," the look he gave was equal parts nervous and mischievous.

Shay was about to question him further but he distracted her by producing a small duffel bag containing her 'go kit'.

"Oh my god, I have never been so excited about clothes. Especially ones picked out by you," she gushed, snatching the bag from his outstretched hand. She opened it up and found one of her comfiest sweaters as well as a pair of his plaid pajama pants. He had grabbed them thinking they would cover what needed to be covered, but still be lose enough not to irritate her incision sites. Leslie hugged the clothing into her chest and inhaled deeply. "It smells like home," she told him, suddenly fighting back tears and trying to cover them up quickly. "I never thought I'd miss your snoring so much."

"We'll see if you're still saying that in a few hours," he teased her. He started to help her out of her hospital gown and into the provided clothing. They were so comfortable with each other, what didn't even faze them would have been awkward for anyone walking by. Modesty had no place in their relationship, it hadn't since about a month after she'd moved in.

As he helped to guide her arm into one of the sleeves he found himself looking around at all of the get well gifts that had stacked up over the past weeks. "How much of this stuff were you planning on taking home anyway?"

"Nigel has to come," she told him, nodding her head, which had just reappeared from the folds of fabric, towards the stuffed animal Mills had brought which was currently sitting in the corner.

Kelly gave her an incredulous look. "Did you seriously name a stuffed elephant Nigel? That thing is not going to fit in the Camaro."

Shay pouted, wrinkling her brow and refusing to cooperate with him as he struggled to pull the cotton pants up over her hips. "We're. Taking. Nigel."

Severide sighed heavily, but she knew it was just an act. He had always been willing to do just about anything to make her happy. Looking goofy carrying oversized toys included.

They finished getting her ready just in time as Clarke and her not-so-favorite orderly entered the room.

"Did you have to pick the hard-ass?" she stage whispered out of the side of her mouth. Clarke smirked, feeling better after his friend's obvious change in mood. The orderly pretended not to hear her.

He transferred her from the hospital bed to the awaiting wheelchair with Severide hovering over him the whole time. Shay was briefly glad that her roomate had missed almost every one of her physical therapy sessions. He would have been annoying as hell.

The orderly started to wheel her out giving her the promised 'trip to the door' but she slapped her hand to the doorframe bringing them to an abrupt halt. "Nigel," she said as she turned to give Kelly a pointed look with one eyebrow raised.

Kelly rolled his eyes but obediently edged his way back into the room to retrieve the toy. He reemerged carrying it halfway behind his back in some form of a headlock. Satisfied, Shay relaxed her arm, allowing their trip to resume.

Jeff gave Kelly a bemused look behind her back. "Shut up," Kelly muttered under his breath and proceeded to push his fellow squad member into the nearest wall.

The boys took over once they reached the main entrance to the hospital, Severide steering and Jeff carrying the miscellaneous rehab paraphernalia that she had to bring home with her.

"So what's the story with your appointments now that you get to come home?" Kelly asked, eyeing what Clarke was carrying over the back of her head.

Shay chewed her lip, a little irritated that he hadn't been around enough to actually know. She understood that it must have been hard to see her this way, especially after spending nearly the first two weeks solid at her bedside. But she had to admit, it hurt that his visits had dwindled down to a couple of hours a few times a week.

In reality, Severide knew the answer to his own question. He had been relentless in getting information out of all of his volunteer stand-ins. He would have had them submit formal written reports if he could have gotten away with it. When he'd entered the hospital that evening he had pestered at least three different nurses for care instructions, ending up with a set of neatly typed notes folded in his jacket pocket. He wanted to get this right. At the same time he wanted to hear it from her, trying to gage where she was at emotionally.

"I have to come back for rehab twice a week. On my off days I have to do my exercises twice daily. When I don't have supervision I have to make like an 80 year old and use a walker. I've been back to solid food for almost two weeks but I'm not suppost to eat anything too harsh on the digestive system. So I guess you're still going to refuse to get me that damn cheeseburger I've been begging for."

Kelly forced a laugh, "Nope. No cheeseburgers." There was a distinct edge to her voice that he hadn't noticed as much when they were back in her room. He hoped that it was just anger at his absence and that it would be better once he got her home. He wasn't really sure what to do if it were something deeper. He wasn't good at the whole talking thing. The two of them had always just gotten along so well without the need for words.

They arrived at the Camaro and Clarke started loading her things into the trunk while Severide helped Shay to get situated into the front seat. Once he was done, Jeff came around to the open side door. Reaching in he grasped Shay's shoulder firmly. "You take care," he told her, his look saying that he'd be keeping an eye on her for the foreseeable future. Straightening up he nodded his goodbye to Kelly, saying "See you on Monday," before rolling the now empty chair back towards the hospital.

Kelly carefully closed the door before making his way over to the driver's side. He started the car without comment, allowing his best friend to control the flow of conversation. They sat in silence for the first few miles, Shay simply staring out her window at the world rushing past. "It's good to be outside of those plaster walls. I feel like I missed most of the summer in there," she said quietly as she watched the wind rustle the leaves in the trees.

"We're barely halfway through July. You've still got a couple months of sunshine left," he reassured her. He moved his hand from the clutch to rest gently on her knee to try to comfort her.

Suddenly she turned to him, her blue eyes piercing. "Where have you been Kelly?" Her voice cracked a little at the end, despite the fact that she was trying so hard to keep it together and not guilt trip him.

Kelly looked down while still trying to keep his eyes on the road. He couldn't look at her, nor could he answer her question. At least not until he had gotten her back into the apartment.

Shay waited for an answer but soon realized she wasn't going to get one. Huffing a sigh she turned her face back toward the window. If he was giving her the silent treatment she could do the same. This was going to be a long night.

When they pulled up in front of the apartment, Kelly exited the car, still remaining quiet. Shay bit her lip. This wasn't what she had wanted. Yes, she was hurt by his absence, but she really needed the old Severide that she loved right then. The emotional distance that was separating them was almost physically painful.

He picked her up bridal style and kicked the door shut behind them before proceeding toward the front walk. Shay decided to make a conscious effort to lighten the mood. "You know I'd make a comment on how big and strong you are but then I remembered that you just carried an elephant a considerable distance."

Severide managed a wry smile, "I'll bring 'Nigel' and the rest of your stuff in in the morning."

They made it up the front steps and Severide shifted her over so that he could hold her with one arm while he fumbled with his keys. "You know I can stand on my own," Shay teased him, enjoying his struggle.

"Well, where would the fun in that be?" He finally got the door open and transferred her back to a more comfortable position.

Shay looked around, expecting the reassuring familiarity of their apartment that she had been missing. Instead she found that the couches in the living room had been moved out and replaced with the entire contents of her bedroom, Her bed sat freshly made in the middle of the room with a perfect view of the TV. Her bookshelves and desk had been moved down as well and stocked with all of her things. There was even a new wardrobe that she was sure everything from her closet had been transferred into.

Beyond the new 'bedroom' was a perfectly cleared path to the kitchen, and against the far wall near the stairs a new rehab area was set up complete with a treadmill, stand mirror, and some yoga equipment.

"Holy crap," Leslie whispered, a little bewildered.

"Holy crap good?" Severide asked, trying to hide how nervous he was.

Shay laughed, a little breathless, "My therapist would kill you. You made this way too easy. I love it."

Kelly smiled, relaxing a little bit. "Want the grand tour?"

Shay nodded, kind of at a loss for words. He started to carry her around the room, pointing out some of the features. When she found her voice again she asked. "So this is what's kept you away from me for the last few weeks?"

Kelly's grin faded a little bit. "Amongst other things. I really am sorry Shay, I wish that I could have been at the hospital more but I've been really busy. What happened in that building terrified me, and it got me thinking, it's time to get my life in order. I just wanted to get everything done before you came home. I guess I wanted you to be proud of me."

Shay placed a finger lightly against his lips telling him to be quiet. "Hey, it's okay. What you did here is amazing. I can't thank you enough. And you're here now, that's what counts." She felt more of the tension melt from his shoulders and felt some of her stress fly away with it.

Kelly turned to continue his tour and over his shoulder, something at the bottom of the stairs caught her eye. "Why is there construction stuff down by Otis' old room?" she asked him, puzzled.

Severide quickly turned and started walking back toward the bed. "Don't worry about it," he told her quickly. He set her down gently on the edge and helped her slip under the covers. "You must be hungry," he tried not to draw attention to the fact that he was changing the subject. Even so, he could feel Shay glaring at the center of his back as he walked towards the fridge. "This is my next surprise for you," He pulled a container out of the fridge with a flourish.

"That better not be hospital food," Shay wrinkled her nose, trying to convey to him just how much she had hated the vile stuff she had been forced to consume over the past few weeks.

"Nah, Mills dropped this off earlier. Said something about chicken and dumplings." He popped the container into the microwave and grabbed a couple forks from a nearby drawer. Leslie felt her mouth instantly begin to water and the feeling only intensified as the scent of the savory spices permeated the room.

When the microwave beeped he brought the food along with a couple of glasses of water over to the bed and crawled into the other side. He handed her one of the forks and she dug in greedily. As soon as the first morsels hit her tongue, she couldn't help but moan out loud. It tasted like how her mom used to make it back in Missouri when she was a little girl, only impossibly better. She supposed anything would taste good after being forced to endure the gruel that shouldn't even be considered food that she'd been eating. Still, this was exceptional.

Kelly watched her take a couple forkfuls before digging in himself. This was part of what he loved so much about his best friend. There was no need for plates or a table, or really any type of formality. They could just eat in the peace of each other's company. "Can we somehow coerce Mills into cooking for us more often?" Shay asked at one point, with her mouth still half full. Severide could only nod in return. He had to admit the food was damn good.

When they had cleaned out the container down to the last droplets, Severide took the dishes and set them aside on the nightstand. "TV or talk?" he asked her, not knowing which answer he would prefer.

Shay couldn't help but let a huge yawn escape her lips. This caused Severide to chuckle. "TV for tonight. Can we talk tomorrow?" She was both physically and emotionally exhausted and didn't know how much longer she could keep her eyes open and complete coherent sentences.

"Absolutely," Kelly grabbed the remote and flicked the power button. _Doomsday Preppers _happened to be on and Shay couldn't help but laugh. It was one of her favorite shows because of just how crazy the people on it were. Obviously her strange enjoyment of it had started to rub off on Kelly.

She snuggled down into the blankets and laid her head on his chest, getting comfortable. She felt his arm wrap around her back, and the feeling of his thumb tracing small circles on her shoulder blade instantly started to lull her towards sleep. "Are you staying here tonight?" she murmured through yet another yawn. She didn't want to trap him if he intended to sleep in his own bed.

"Can I?"

"Do you even have to ask?" Shay barely got the words out as her eyes were already fluttering closed. It had become a habit for the two of them throughout the years to crawl into each other's beds in the middle of the night, no questions asked, if they needed to feel close. Taking into consideration that both of them had a habit of close calls and failed relationships, it had happened quite a bit.

Kelly pressed his lips lightly to her forehead and she could feel his smile against her skin. With that she drifted off into peaceful oblivion.

* * *

Shay woke with a start.

It took her a moment to find her bearings. She wasn't at the hospital, but it wasn't her room either. The lighting was wrong. After a few second she realized that the dim light was from the street lamps streaming through the front windows. Kelly had moved her bed to the living room.

Kelly.

She was no longer using him as a human pillow, but it was confirmed that he was still in the bed with her when she heard a loud moan come from the other side of the covers. Gingerly, she propped herself onto her elbows to better assess what was going on.

Kelly lay at the far edge of the bed nearly falling off. He was thrashing around in the sheets and his forehead was heavily creased with tension. Another small cry escaped his lips and it tore at Shay's heart a little bit to see him in such a struggle.

Shifting over slowly and carefully she reached for his shoulder and began to shake it lightly, calling his name.

His eyes flew open and darted around the room in panic. When they landed on her his face melted. "Shay?" he whispered brokenly. She could see the tears rapidly forming in the corners of his eyes.

"I'm right here," she assured him. Before the words could even finish leaving her mouth, he was pulling her into his arms in a crushing hug. She felt her side burning, but she wasn't going to complain. He obviously needed this.

"Hey," she soothed, snaking her arm out from where it was trapped in between them to rest her palm against his cheek, "it's alright. Everything's alright." He was covered in a clammy sweat that was quickly seeping through her clothes.

After a couple of minutes of just feeling her there with him, her heart still beating against his chest, he was able to relax a bit. "I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair.

"Don't be," she comforted him. She pulled back slightly, wanting to gage his expression while still allowing him access to the touch that he seemed to need. "What's going on Kel? The last time you visited you said you were starting to move past what happened…"

"I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that you almost died in my arms Shay," he told her soberly.

Leslie chewed her lip and sighed. "That's not what I meant." The two of them laid in silence for a few minutes, neither moving. It was obvious that they wouldn't be falling back asleep anytime soon. With a huff Kelly rolled to flick on the bedside lamp, then stumbled toward the kitchen.

When he came back he was carrying a pint of mint chip ice cream and a couple of spoons. He sat down on the edge of the bed and looked down at the treat he was holding. "This was suppost to be dessert but you fell asleep," He told her with a small smirk. He offered it to her and she took a spoon but made no move to scoop up a bite.

"You know, we've never really talked about what happened that night." She could tell that her words hit a nerve. Kelly was still sitting on the edge of the bed but he let his arm drop back down to his side as he turned to stare out the front windows. Shay shuffled back to try to maneuver herself into a semi-seated position. It was painful and slow going, but she had a feeling they were going to be there for a while and there was no way that she was just going to lay there and stare at his back.

Kelly saw her wince through her reflection in the window and quickly turned to help. "Are you okay?" he asked as he slid a pillow in behind the small of her back.

"Fine. It's just been a while since I've taken my meds," she caught his shoulder before he could turn back around. "Don't change the subject."

He groaned, letting his shoulders drop, but obediently he scooted back to rest his head on the headboard beside hers, pulling his knees into his chest. She reached her hand out and threaded her slender fingers between his own, having a feeling they were both going to need it at some point.

"Dawson and I went into that building without really knowing what was going on. We started a search and the next thing I knew Gabby was down and I had a gun pressed to my head. The guy… I guess he was just a kid… took me to the room where you found me. There was a dead body in the corner. He told me that he was going to use me as a hostage to get out of the building, but when my radio went off he freaked out. I guess he thought I was a cop. I think he hit me and then we struggled for the gun and he must have pulled the trigger. After that I don't remember much. My memory is kind of blurred by the pain. I remember seeing you but your face wouldn't focus. I tried to tell you that I love you and then that's it. I wake up three days later to a scruffy beard on one heck of a grumpy roommate."

She waited patiently, watching him out of the corner of her eye, before finally giving up. "You know, this is usually the part where you chime in with your side of the story."

Kelly turned his head away from her, "Intelligence told me to keep my mouth shut."

"Wait, what?" now she was really confused. She knew that the intelligence unit was heading the investigation, which made sense considering that those involved had gang ties. Beyond that, she actually had no idea what had happened. Everyone had been so focused on her and her recovery that it had just never came up. "Kelly this is obviously eating at you. You know you can talk to me. I don't care what the police department says."

Kelly sighed and transferred his gaze to the connection of their two hands. "When I came into the room I saw you on the ground and I freaked out a bit. I tried to talk the kid down but it didn't work. He said he was going to kill you and I don't know, I just went on instinct or something. I grabbed the dead guy's gun and just fired wildly. It was a fluke shot. Hit him in the chest. He died." He let it all out in a rush.

Shay squeezed his hand tightly, "You know you saved my life right?"

Severide nodded. "I know. I've thought about it a thousand times and every time I come up with the same answer. I would do it again if it meant saving you. But… His name was Daniel. He was only 15. I met his mom today at the station. She was devastated."

Things were starting to fall into place for Shay now. Kelly loved kids. He would be beyond distressed knowing that he ended a young life, no matter how misguided that life was.

"I've had nightmares every single night since it happened. I can't talk about it. The police said that if I say anything I could lose my badge. Sometimes you die in them. Sometimes I see what his life could have been like if he could have had the chance to grow up. Sometimes I have to choose all over again. It's haunting me Leslie." He felt as if a weight was starting to lift off of his chest after finally letting the words out.

Shay said nothing. She simply reached over and grabbed the tub of ice cream that he still held in his other hand. Fetching her spoon she opened the lid and scooped up some of the soupy mess inside. "I think we left this a little long," she told him, her double meaning clearly evident. She tilted the container toward him as an offering and he picked up his spoon as well.

"We wouldn't be here tonight if you hadn't done what you did Kelly. Hell, I probably wouldn't be here at all. I know that doesn't really solve any of the turmoil you're going through but I want you to know that it means everything to me." She paused to take another spoonful of ice cream. "You remember that stupid video we made about our roommate contract?"

Kelly snorted derisively, "Yeah."

"Remember the last rule? Because it was the most important one. We're going to be here for each other always, no matter what. We're both going through some rough times right now, and if you would have asked us a couple of months ago neither one of us would have seen it coming. But we've still got each other okay? I love you." She looked directly into his deep blue eyes, making sure that he felt the truth in every word.

With what was probably the first completely genuine smile that had graced his face in a while he pulled her head toward his, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. "Love you too."

* * *

So sad that my prediction was right... Now I guess Shay will just have to live on through our stories. She'll go through some rough times with Kelly but hopefully I'll be able to give them the happy ending they deserve. Please review to help keep me motivated!


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